All about the green...

It's been awhile since I have posted, really because my job has kept me more than busy. Which is good. But I am also salary, which is not so good. Ten and twelve hour days only mean less sleep, not a bigger paycheck. And that bigger paycheck would be really nice right now.

I know that the current economy has significantly impacted many, and in fact, I am probably one of the more fortunate ones. But that doesn't mean that I haven't seen the numbers shrinking, or felt more acutely the pain of my past bad decisions. And it is frustrating! With my job the way it is, a second job is not very realistic (but I am thinking about it), and to add insult to injury, we recently had salary cuts. Thank you, non-profit.

Some of this is particularly hard because I am embarrassed. I come from a family that always makes good financial decisions. There is always researching and saving and a "cushion." Not managing your money well in my family is not just a little taboo. The rest is hard because I am having to accept that there are some things that I thought I wanted that simply may not be. And while it is certainly not the end of the world, it does require a little attitude adjustment.

Another blogger posted that constantly worrying about money lately has made her "a version of herself that she doesn't want to be." I strongly concur. I am not an unhappy person. This is a girl who loves life and laughter, friends, and good wine. The girl who is stressed about pennies, and awake at 2 am with regret needs to pack her bags.

Beer Heaven

Those who are close to me will vouch for that fact that I am not really what would be considered a "beer drinker." It has it's time and place, but beer is not my drink of choice. (For those of you ready to stone me at this moment, please keep reading.)

All that being said, I would like to tell you all to stop what you are doing and go to Brewbakers in Huntington Beach. Now. They are amazing. Not only do they brew and serve their own beer, but you can brew your own! This all involves some sampling and deciding what recipe best suits you (choose from over 80), and then you start at square one; measuring, grinding, mixing, boiling. All the while you can relax with friends, continuing to sample what others have made, or indulging in freshly made pretzels, bread, or pizza.

You can also see a chronicle of the lives of those that have come before you. The walls are covered in "Happy Birthday Frank," "Welcome Baby Michael, 7 lbs 3 oz," "Sarah's last hurrah! Bachelorette Party 2005,"and an amusing fav, "Kat Piss." After you brew, you go home and design your own label for your beer, and come back to bottle two weeks later. You will find labels everywhere, documenting triumphs, celebrations, or just everyday life.

To top it off, the owner is a gem, the staff are fun, and the beer is excellent. What more could you want? Again, Go. Now.

http://www.brewbakers1.com/

To Bring out the Worst

He wouldn't let her go. "C'mon, it's funny!"
No it wasn't. He was deliberately poking fun at a very sensitive subject, and when he saw how upset she was, he went in for the kill. Grabbing that ever-so-embarrassing extra skin under her chin, he declared "Say 'little piggy!' Say it!"
Finally breaking a hand free, she delivered something between a shove and a slap. Nothing harmful, but a strike nonetheless. Speechless at first, she recovers with a quick, "I'm sorry" and flees his house, mortified and confused.

***

The coffee cup is hot in her hand, but she can no longer tell if it is from the liquid inside or the blood rushing to her hand.
"Why should we fix your car? What makes you so special?"
Wasn't he supposed to know that? Visions of the coffee cup making contact with his face swam amidst tears and bitter disappointment. Silent, she leaves the room, afraid of her vision becoming reality.

***

He shoved her away when she tried to help him up. "Leave me alone. You spoil all my fun." He returned his head to the toilet, where he was repenting the days festivities. When she comes back to check on him, he is passed out in the same position. She tried to lift him; he struggled, and she lost her grip. His head met the porcelain with a muffled crack. She couldn't help but smile. And she felt bad for it.

Questions

My office shares a building with other businesses. One of these businesses is owned by a chain smoker. I know this because our building is old and every time he lights up the duct work sends it right to my desk. I tried to talk to the individual, but it is not really one of those pleasant conversations, and needless to say, it went nowhere. After weeks of headaches, I had invested in a powerful air filter, as well as many candles.
I recently ran into the gentleman in the hallway, where he informed me that they would be vacating the space at the end of the year, due to the fact that he has been diagnosed with several types of cancer. I expressed my sympathies, to which he replied, "bah. somethings bound to kill you anyway, right?" From the telltale aroma in the duct work, he was still smoking after our conversation.
This has all left me baffled. Had he given up, and thus decided not to quit smoking? Was he undergoing treatment, and continuing to smoke? Why? My admittedly conservative upbringing is screaming at him for being so wasteful with his life. There are so many things to see and do and enjoy, why would you shortchange yourself? Granted, this man is little more than a stranger to me, so I do not know what type of life he has led, but this did make my mind wander.

If you knew that your time here was short, what would you do?Anything outstanding on the list? And if you already know it's on the list, what is keeping you from doing it right now? My own answers may be standard; most of what keeps me from my list is money. But maybe I would save more prudently if I knew I only had an allotment of time.

Have a drink at a pub in Ireland.
Dive the Great Barrier Reef.
Take obligatory picture "holding up" the leaning tower of Pisa.
Finally meet the relatives in Sicily face to face.
Go camping (of course I've been camping, but its been awhile)

Nothing

It all started with "Do I answer your questions with another question?" My quick answer was an adamant "Yes." But that really only brought on a whole new tirade of questions (In retrospect, I think I should have seen this coming). This individual argued their defense (for a long time). In most cases they are only trying to anticipate the answer you are truly looking for.
Example:
Q: "What time do you have to meet George?"
A: "I have to leave here in 5 minutes."
While it doesn't answer the original question, it does answer the unspoken *true* question of "What time are you leaving?" Because the questioner really didn't care when the person had to meet someone, but in fact, when could they finally have the house to themselves.
I wrote it off as typical of this individual, and was thankful I did not have to endure prolonged conversation with them often. It was complicated and I didn't really want to think about it at the time. It seemed hard to try to think head of people rather than just answering directly.


but then later...


When you asked "What is wrong?," I said "Nothing."
It's not that I lied. I just answered your real question; "What can I do to fix it?"
Because really, that is how boys function anyway. Its not about what is wrong, but how does it get fixed? While that is a perfectly admirable and noble point of view, but there are just some things you can't fix.
Thus I answered, "Nothing. "

Oh. Maybe I get it.

Throw More Brandy

So this blog has been a long time coming. It's not so much that I always have that much to say, but I often feel that certain episodes in my life and in the lives of others around me need documenting. I'm sure at some point I will have to change names and locations to protect the innocent and keep the guilty out of jail, but it might be interesting to see where this takes us.